Archives for the month of: October, 2012

I am making friends with Discomfort.

I realize that I want to get away from Discomfort as fast as possible.  I want to learn that lesson, make that amend, reconcile within myself, release that stuff that is no longer mine AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!  It is because I HATE feeling uncomfortable!  It sucks!

I realize there is something in here for me, so I am going straight for the heart of the matter…

I am willing to “make friends” with Discomfort.

I LOVE discomfort because you know what, Discomfort IS a GREAT Friend!

Discomfort let’s me know when I am out of alignment within myself or in the outside world with life or others.  Discomfort also let’s me know when I am moving OUTSIDE of my comfort zone and then I get to gauge whether my choices are in or out of alignment with my core values and make a decision on next steps from there.

Discomfort also keeps me safe from people or situations that may not be the best for me.

Discomfort is that sign post that is pointing me in the RIGHT direction at something that I can choose to look at and gain some valuable information from.  It may be that I am moving through the discomfort into a whole new area of my life, moving beyond old fears, habitual behaviors and/or patterns to something new.  Discomfort may also be pointing me away from a situation that could possibly not be so pleasant or one that would be a repeat lesson I have already learned.  Discomfort says to me in those moments: “Don’t have to go there, again.”

 

Discomfort is my friend.

 

What’s possible from here?

 

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Wow, I just read this woman’s post on facebook about healing and growth.  It was so concise and so well said.  It was straight to the heart of the matter and really clearly understandable.

I started wondering, “Wow, how can I write like that?”

The comparison thing.  It is SO attractive to me, but not attractive.  It just pops up.  What is that all about?

I know a part of that is wanting to be the BEST I can be.

I know another part of it is seeing something in someone else that I really like.

Another part of it is feeling so happy that there is someone out there who IS doing something that really inspires me.

The parts that don’t feel so good are the parts that feel like “I’m not good enough,” or “why can’t I be more like her.”

Those parts suck.  And, you know what, there are gems in those parts too.

What does “those parts suck” really want for  me?

Love, affection, attention, good results, good feelings, protection and safety from feeling “bad”.

What does “I’m not good enough” want for me?  Love, pure love, attention, affection, acceptance.  The ability to grow beyond WHO I have been being.  This part also wants me to strive and thrive, to keep growing and working harder and getting there.  Achieve, Success.  This part also does not belong to me.  I think that is the deeper truth here.  It belongs to someone else.  So all I have to do is recognize that when it comes up and allow it to release itself.  It is so easy.

“Why can’t I be more like her” wants connection, recognition, abilities advancing.  It is also not personal because I know this is a common theme between women of all ages.  So, as in the Feminine Power course I took last year, they say, “It’s not personal,” meaning MANY people deal with this thought or feeling.  I am not alone in this.

I am adapting a new viewpoint with comparisons.  Here it is:

I am SO HAPPY that person is doing that, being that, looking that way, because if they are a part of me in the grander scale of things, that means that I AM doing that, being that, looking that way!  Thank GOD I don’t have to do, be, look like, EVERYTHING!  I can just be ME and allow others to be themselves too : )

Ahhh, relief.

What viewpoint do you want to switch around?

What might it sound like?

This morning around 11:30am, I sat on the couch in my brother’s room and looked at emails.  With Hurricane Sandy approaching, even though I am not in NYC, I felt this hold or pause on the day as if anything could happen at any time.  Impending doom?  Vacation day?  I don’t know, it just felt the like the day was on hold, softly, waiting, wondering.

I thought, “I know there should be things I can do today, like work stuff.”  And when I sat there on that couch, I was just aware of this real openness feeling that felt like there was nothing to do all day and I could just be.

I noticed this for a few moments and then I wondered again, “Is this just some sort of a cop out.  I mean, I really should be DOING some business stuff, I mean…”  And then I would just relax into how open that feeling inside me was, just open and relaxed.

I enjoyed that for a few more moments and then off I was, downstairs to the dining room, on the computer, trying to write copy for my life coaching business.  Oh well, that lasted a long time.

I noticed how far away I got from that openness feeling I had upstairs and I would remember sitting on the couch and that feeling would rush back in again, although a little less felt the further I got away from it and the couch in my brothers room.  Then I forgot about it all together and continued to get more uncomfortable as the day went on and I was troubled by writing business copy.  Oh boy.

Later this evening, I had the last of six coaching sessions with my twin sister and was reminded of the feeling of it all.

How do you want to FEEL when you are doing this?

She asked me, “How do you prepare yourself to write copy for your business?”

Great question.

“Do you sit in a warm room with a cup of tea and your favorite music on?”

Oh no, I don’t do that.  I mean SOMETIMES I will make a cup of hot tea if it is cold out.  And music distracts me when I am working.

“I mean, this room that you’ve been working in all day may not be the kind of room you want to write copy in.”

Good point.

So lots to think about here.

As she started asking me interesting questions about, “Who do you want to work with?”  and “What kind of woman is that?” I started flowing with the verbiage and it all, just like I had originally wanted it to, came out so much easier.

I also enjoyed working WITH someone else too.  There seemed to be more energy that way, more connection.  More Source!

So I ask you dear reader, how do you want to feel during your work day?

What is an image or a metaphor that can remind you of that feeling when you get into tense work mode?

Mine will be that spaciousness feeling I felt on that grey and black couch in my brothers room.

I am going to challenge us all to conjure up that feeling of having already accomplished our goals and feel that in every moment we remember!  Do this for ONE WHOLE DAY and write about it below!  I wanna know how this transforms your experience at work, at play and at home!

 

 

The other night, I found myself doing what I usually do when I am dancing with someone who doesn’t have a sense for the timing of the music or the basic step.  I try to stay on time with the music and then follow along with the leader as best I can, trying to keep time with the music and stay on the basic step.

The other night I had a new thought about this.  I was going to follow the leader even when he was stepping in the opposite directions as the step I know and was not on time with the music.

Now, I am doing my BEST to avoid judgmental language here and there is a lot of judgment going on.  There is a lot of right and wrong happening here.

“I learned this dance and it goes like this and the timing is like this and…”

There is a LOT of that structure in partner dancing and for GOOD reason!  How would we be able to dance such fast tempos with such complicated patterns if we did not have some kind of a road map of how to navigate that with a complete stranger?  It would be like showing up in China and trying to speak Italian really fast to someone who’s never heard the Italian language before.  All kinds of frustrations and miscommunications could happen.

So I get it, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND why there is such a thing as dance class and refinement and mastery…

I also totally understand a new way of following now.

It is not: “I am right, you are wrong, let’s get you right now.”

It is not: “I am so annoyed, why can’t this person just pick a timing and STICK with it.”

It is not: “I know more than you do, here, let me help you.”

It IS: “How can I follow this person with whatever they are doing?”

It IS: closing my eyes and feeling into my body to see how connected I am.

It IS: being in relationship with myself and someone else and the music on the dance floor and there is no TELLING what the outcome will be.

It is Peace.  It is centeredness.  It is fun.  It is constant connection with self and others.

It is the mystery.

It is, it just is.

I got vulnerable today twice with people whom I know, some very well and some getting to know better.

The first time, I felt uncomfortable after I got vulnerable, like I had said too much.  I thought to myself, “I am going to be open with my vulnerability here.”  So I shared with the group that I felt vulnerable about what I shared.  In expressing that I remembered that I had made a choice to share more information than was necessary with the idea of being more vulnerable in front of the two people that I didn’t know so well.

It was an amazing and interesting discovery to at first feel like I had self-abandoned by sharing too much information, aka, not listening to my inner guidance when it felt like I was about to say more than was needed.  Then, in talking about how I felt vulnerable about what I shared, I was able to remember my original decision to become vulnerable as a choice to open up more to these newer people.

Empowering.

Later on at dinner, I shared something even more vulnerable and my dear friends recognized this.  “Wow, you ARE being vulnerable.  That was really being vulnerable,”  they said.

“Yes, it was.  I am definitely out of my comfort zone,” I said.  I noticed as I said this that I felt lighter, like outside of my normal comfort zone of walls and defenses to keep me safe and protected and also ok, even though I wasn’t standing on such solid ground.

“It feels a little scary here AND I am ok.  I feel as if I am on the plank of a pirate ship or on the precipice of a mountain or hill, right at the edge.  I feel like air.  Light.  I feel good though.  I know I am safe here,”  I said to everyone.

 

I know I am safe here.

When I notice someone saying they “want” something or “need” something or they “miss” me, I get curious about what they mean.  I do this for myself too and especially, right now, I am curious about what that means when I “want” something.  it is as if I am already implying that I don’t have that thing.

I wonder this when I want to say or I hear others say “I miss you”.  What does this mean?

I remember when I wanted to say “I am going to miss you,” to my dear Soul Brother in Cuba, I wondered, hang on a minute, that means I feel like I “need” him for some reason, like I am missing something without him.

This is very curious for me because I do really believe in relationships.  Like in Feminine Power, a class I took with Claire Zammit and Katherine Woodward Thomas, they say, “It is through our relationships that our greatest potentials are manifest.”  Yes, it IS true and that INCLUDES our relationship with ourselves as well as life and others.

So…what am I missing when I say I “miss” something or someone.

I think I am missing a part of myself.

What about you?

When you find yourself saying this “I miss…” what are you really missing?

For the past decade or more I have poo-pooed my gift as a free form dancer.

I have always honored my gift as a “freestyler”: someone, in my definition, who can get down street style, like hip-hop and funk styles of dancing or in Latin or W. African dance.  Someone who can just really get down without choreography.

I am a great freestyle dancer.

Tonight I realized that I have always thought of “free form” movement as something so simple, so easy.  It is not difficult; it doesn’t require any technique or “skill”, so it doesn’t showcase my talents.  Anyone can do it.  Wow, what a judgment!

What I am inquiring about here is: what was my purpose for dancing free form?  What was I looking to gain or hope to attain by dancing free form?

Was it fame?  Recognition?  Love, attention, affection, accolades?

I don’t know.  I don’t think so.  I have always just wanted to dance the way I dance and be full of life that way.  I don’t want to “have to” do it someone else’s way.

Now, I do derive great pleasure from learning other dances and “doing it” like someone else would.  It can be a great achievement to master someone else’s choreography or the style of a new dance form and just go for it!

However, there is something so sweet, so personal, so spot on about free form dance, just MOVING Spiritually, just how your spirit might dance if you were outside of your body.

In this moment I am valuing my gift as a free form dancer for pure expression.  It is a gift and I want to share it with all of life.  I want to support myself and others to let our Spirits soar, let our lights shine and move freely, how we truly want to.  It doesn’t have to look good or be cool.  It can just be.  Be what it is.

What is pure expression?

When you are moving purely, what does that look like, feel like?

When will you start exploring this in your own life?

Ahhh, I got hooked.

The relief that comes when I just realize I am hooked on energy is too easy sometimes.

That’s it?

That’s all?

You mean I don’t have to process a bunch of STUFF?  I can just realize I am hooked and then it goes, disappears, the charge?  That’s so easy!

Wow, I like this : )

How can the noticing alone be the gateway to freedom from being hooked?

What’s good about this?

I have made myself wrong for wanting to practice dance, for wanting to become a better dancer, for wanting to excel technically in dancing.

Is this wrong?

I don’t know.

What’s tripped me up is my own and others opinions.

I KNOW that dancing is NOT a means to an end, it is an experience, a process, a pathway that brings up all my stuff for healing and also brings OUT all my greatness in being.

I LOVE to express myself through dancing, but I have made myself wrong for wanting to dance for my life and share this dance.  Is it enough?  Can I do this?  What does it MEAN to be a professional dancer?  Who am I in the dance world?  What’s my focus, my goal?

Ultimately, my goal is to connect with myself more and therefore connect with others.  I want to be a vehicle of pure Source’s love and light, have FUN and enjoy myself, inspire others, share my gifts and talents, my self expression, live life to the fullest.  I feel FULLY ALIVE when I am dancing: in my groove, in the flow.

Dancing is a gift that I want to give.

I want to dance.

I WANNA DANCE!

I want to study in Cuba for a whole year, for ONE YEAR and really study Afro-Cuban and Folklorico!  I want to really STUDY Rumba, Kizomba, Guaguanco, Afro-Brazilian, Zouk Lambada.

I want to really perfect my skills and express myself to the fullest through dance.

How do I get there?  Hmmm, maybe start researching more programs to support this endeavor.  Go to school, study the dance of the African Diaspora?

What’s really underneath this for me?

True love: the ability to JUST BE and to embrace BEING and DOING what I love.

What is so wrong about that?

I am here.  I am IN IT.  I am ready to go : )

SarahHaykel265

What dream is inside YOUR HEART waiting to BURST out?

What special gift do you have that you are longing to give?

When will you begin?

A year and a half ago, I took my first session with an Alexander Technique practitioner.  It was interesting and profound.  She showed me how I could move in different ways.  She taught me to “use your legs for walking” instead of protruding my heart out into space thinking I was going to get anywhere faster if I just walked with my chest ahead of my body.

It’s similar to Salsa dancing.  When I move around the floor, my center of gravity is always right over the foot that I am stepping on.  That’s one of the reasons the dance is so grounded, because I am always over my center of gravity, unless I am getting dipped or lifted, etc.

In Alexander Technique, I was taught to breath equally into my front and my back body, literally.  Then on the exhale, allow my chest and stomach to push the air out of my lungs and my chest and stomach come back into my body rhythmically.  This way, I come back to the center of my body every time I exhale and can live in the center of my being.

I like this idea of being centered, living centered in my being.  It is from here that all else exists.  My body is my access point to all of life.

As I am here, I am able to be a full, active participant in life’s game and choose what piece I want to play and how I want to play it.  I always have a choice.

Give thanks.

How can the breath support your living centered in your body?

What’s important about living centered in your body?

How is the body a natural compass for your own well-being?